The Confusing Time

The last few weeks before a show opens can be a really odd, exciting, and disconcerting time.

It's a time of firsts – many of which can be really exciting. We've begun seeing some of the beautiful costume pieces as they arrive for initial fittings. Last weekend, we had our first orchestral rehearsal, and it was really inspiring to hear the rich textures that orchestrator Jonathan Tunick has brought to the material. We're deep into meetings with sound and lighting designers, discussing the many new ideas that they are bringing into our collaborative process. New prop pieces are being completed almost daily, each with their own special charms. We've run the full show completely for the first time, and cast members have had the opportunity to marvel at the incredible things that their colleagues have accomplished. We're finally beginning to experiment with putting dead bodies through the trap door – a must for this show.

This can also be a challenging time for a director (particularly one who has also undertaken the role of music director). Every little aspect of the production requires your attention, and you find your focus being split between scheduling, seeing and approving the creations of the designers, and pondering the challenges of getting the show into the theatre and open with the time remaining. You're exhausted, and you feel pulled in multiple directions – just when you want to devote your full energy to helping the cast craft their best possible performances.

Even more challenging, this is the time when all of your own self-doubts begin to emerge. Have I done justice to this beautiful piece? Will everything work as I've envisioned? Is my sense of storytelling really as clear as I thought? You have been looking at your own work for several months now, and it feels like you've lost the ability to see it. This is combined with the time when all of the tiniest problems (and larger ones too) begin to rear their heads, and people keep bringing you more challenges and more things to question. Everyone involved has already seen the work too, so any of the small compliments that you might have heard at the beginning of the process have gone by the wayside long ago, so all you get are questions and the self-doubt.

It's a good thing that all of this means that opening night is getting closer. It's also a good thing that I am continuing to enjoy the process. (And that I have vodka... Vodka is a good thing, too...)